How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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