im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
