chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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