Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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