i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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