i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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