he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
