I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
