if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
