Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
