I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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