The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
