what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
