Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
