she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
