I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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