Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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