He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
