please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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