I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
