I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
