But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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