thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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