Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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