Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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