Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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