She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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