Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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