yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
