Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
