I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
