Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
