I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
