Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
