it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
