Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
