dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
