I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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