Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
