3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm really into asian looking animals
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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