He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
