I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
