You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
