Dual....:-)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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