: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
