you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
