Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
