he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shame - the story of my life.
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