do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
