I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
