I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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