bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
