Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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